Columbia University Health Services

Relationship violence, also known as "domestic violence" or "battering", is the use of abusive behavior by one person in an intimate relationship as a means of gaining power and control over the other person. This abusive behavior is frequently some combination of physical, sexual, psychological, emotional and/or economic abuse. 

Relationship violence is rarely an isolated incident, rather it is a recurring pattern of coercive behaviors that often escalate over time. Relationship violence is not limited to any racial, ethnic, or religious group, economic or social class, sexual orientation, or age group. Although each situation is different, there are some common warning signs to look out for, including, but not limited to, the behaviors listed below.

Warning Signs:

Extreme Jealousy and possessiveness: He or she does not want you to have friends, spies on you, isolates you.

Controlling attitude: decides who you can talk to, what you can wear, where you can go and what you can do.

Mood swings: loses temper quickly, then becomes sad, depressed, apologetic, or romantic.

Forced Sex: makes you feel afraid to say no. Makes you do things you do not want to do or feel uncomfortable doing. Refuses to practice safer sex. Uses sex as a reward for certain behavior or as something that needs to be earned.

Dominating: believes that you should be passive and submissive, believes that he/she should dominate and be in control.
 
Facts:
As many as one in every three college-aged men and women experience violence in their dating relationships.

Relationship violence happens in same-sex relationship at about the same rate as in heterosexual relationships.

Only one of every 25 people who experience relationship violence will seek help from professional service providers.

Violence and abuse occur across all socioeconomic, racial, religious, and ethnic groups.

Ending an abusive relationship is hard. Only about four out of ten relationships end after the onset of violence and abuse. People stay due to fear, confusion, loss of self-esteem, or the belief that the abuser needs their help or will change.

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Sexual Violence Prevention and Response Program (SVPRP) provides comprehensive and integrated education, support and advocacy about sexual and relationship violence. The program supports survivors and fosters individual and collective action to end sexual and relationship violence. For more information go to the Sexual Violence Prevention and Response Program. 

Understanding Relationship Violence
This workshop starts with the premise that we want to build healthy relationships with not only our intimate partners, but the world around us. It explores the complexities of dominate-subordinate power relations by examining the intersection of gender, class, sexuality and race. This workshop uses participants' experience as well as current research and statistics as a foundation to understand relationship violence across sexual identities. This workshop also includes a look at what participants can do to transform relationships based on dominator principles to partnership principles. For more information go to Workshops, Groups, and Training. 

Inaction is Action: Understanding Bystanders
Ever wonder why some folks do not get involved in a crisis situation? Or why some folks like to stay neutral? This workshop explores bystander behavior and how their behavior can encourage or discourage harmful behaviors. For more information go to Workshops, Groups, and Training. 

The Barnard Columbia Rape Crisis/Anti-Violence Support Center provides peer counseling and advocacy services for survivors and co-survivors of sexual and relationship violence. For more information go to the Barnard-Columbia Rape Crisis/Anti-Violence Support Center. 

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